To Cruize or not to cruize

After being on a contiki tour for 4 days around Greece with some of the most interesting natives of Australia and New York, my contiki group boarded the Aqua Marine cruise ship where we would “party” our way around Turkey and Crete back to Athens.  At least I am pretty sure it said that on the brochure. “Awesome” I thought; there’s a whole bunch of fun things to play with and do! There’s a pool, a gym, two bars, a casino, a basketball court plus breakfast lunch, dinner AND snacks! At this stage my mind is short circuiting at all the awesomeness that I will endure at the hands of the mighty Aqua marine!

Alas, all this proved to mean close to nothing. The boat was made in the late 70’s and unfortunately that was also the era of all the passengers’ heyday. We’re talking about the two step, an over abundance of speedo’s and mom jeans galore!

 Even worse is that somehow there were groups of even older people on board who were (a) always lost (b) non-English speakers and (c) taking up the whole narrow corridor. What this ultimately means is that you can’t pass them in the corridor and when you do happen to politely ask them to move their only response is an attempt at asking for directions. Directions?! The Aqua Marine is a maze of random paths going in all sorts of directions; no wonder so many people were trapped inside when the titanic sank.

Myself and the other young’uns huddled  together in the casino for safety and cocktail specials. We were the life (support) of the ship together, shouting and laughing and sticking cards to our faces, as one does. If we weren’t being shushed or glared at we were being joined by these twilight-zone characters. They would come out of the wood work sporting their  ‘night rider’ gear usually complete with moustache and leather jacket. It’s not that I’m judging, they obviously liked this era quite significantly. But it is now over, and has been for a few decades.

Thanks to the hot Mediterranean atmosphere, I was struggling to keep my dress from sticking to me, so I can only imagine how Starsky and Hutch in the corner were feeling!

I keep questioning why there was so many old people travelling on this mammoth ship all alone and where the heck have all the young people gone?!

And then I felt it: the tingle of a conspiracy theory coming along!

Maybe these twilight zone characters have persuaded other youthful members to follow them into their cabin for a drink, a spliff or for some lemonade ( I don’t know why, but maybe). Then this twilight-zone moustached man would pounce and drain the youthfulness out of his victims, then leave the  now old and decrepit victim to wonder the ship’s narrow corridors, so weak they appear not to speak English?!

YES! It makes so much sense!  It seems to be  the only explanation why the old would be attracted to the vast amounts of sport and entertainment facilities that the cruise ship offers. I didn’t have time to investigate my youth eater theory, I had a game of black jack to win and a party to make.

So somehow I dodged the two steppers and remained incognito doing the mash potato and the twist as my young friends and I relived an ancient era.

 It was the next day I realised why there was a particular scarcity in the youth market. Sadly it isn’t as interesting as the youth-eater theory. Its plain and simple - a hangover on a swaying ship which has a maze-like interior isn’t a grand idea especially when you spend your mourning trying to find the breakfast buffet.