Rather go suck on a mango (It leaves a better taste in your mouth)

South Africa’s newest addition to the budget domestic airlines Velvet sky has made quite a splash if by splash I meant a leaf falling into a puddle..

At least it’s cheap! How bad can it really be?

My flight from Cape Town to Johannesburg was quite an experience, not only because I had the whole cabin to choose for my “free seating” but also because everyone that works at Velvet Sky definitely has some sort of zombie relative. No one smiles, no one is helpful and the service is terrible.

It all starts right at the check in counter. There were three check in lady(troll’s) each directed me to the next check in lady(troll) with a half hearted wave of a hand. I was all smiles and rainbows until I eventually spoke to the only “available” check in lady. The world went dark and cold as soon as her straight face allowed words to exit (through her lips I’m guessing). My heart beat became irregular and I lost the ability to feel joy.

 I might be exaggerating a little bit, but in all honesty it was a highly unpleasant experience. 

I was glad to see I wasn’t the only person whose day was ruined by these check in troll’s (misery loves company). Two other sets of passengers were shouting at the check in lady about how rude she was, while the casually dressed manager just stood at a distance.  What a lovely way to start your journey.

On the plus side: The cabin is very clean.

Unfortunately this wouldn’t mean any progression for Velvet Sky. The airhostesses make you feel like the “service” they are providing is done under duress. Once again, the happiness is drained from the area with the no smiles rule and the ‘listen to the flight instructions or die’ attitude.

These Velvet Sky troll’s were mean, I mean really mean. They were loaded with backhanded comments (eg: “excuse me, can you buckle your seat belt. We’d like to take off at some stage”) and they were incapable of smiling, and the weirdest thing is they didn’t blink (okay I made that part up). But in all seriousness, I’ve never been that well behaved in my life. My airhostess troll made me feel like I should be sitting up tall with my finger on my lips, in silence. I felt like a bad person when she woke me up to tell me to put my seat upright for landing. I even apologised.

 The baby that cried for the whole flight wasn’t even a problem for me as much as the crap service. The airline has nothing to offer passengers as a cheap alternative. It’s not even ‘that’ cheap. To be quite honest I’d much rather pay a bit more to ensure that I land in a good mood, rather than save some cash and have to deal with the Velvet Sky Troll’s.

Ultimately, Velvet sky feels the way velvet does when you go against the grain: Not so smooth, not so enjoyable.